TOHTORI OUTOTAUTI (2)

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DR. STRANGEDISEASE (Marko Turunen & Hans Nissen)

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2. I wonder what that is?

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1. Dear UPS. / I tried to call you at your service number, but got tired of listening to elevator music. Now I’ll try my luck with e-mail instead. / I was going out for my usual evening walk and noticed a strange note in a puddle next to our house. I picked it up and saw that it was a message from you.  It read UPS infonotice. 2. As I cleaned the piece of paper of mud, I learned that your people had tried to deliver a package to me at 15.05, but without success. / As I had been at home all day until before mentioned evening walk and as the note was in a puddle in front of our apartment house, I deduced that your employee had tried to enter through the front door which is always locked and given up after a while of ferocious and futile pulling of the door handle. / I wish to inform you that here in Tampere door buzzers are usually located at the courtyard. Our house is no exception.

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1. As I don’t have the time to stand at the front of our house all day in hopes of catching your courier in the act of trying to get through the locked front door, I hereby wish to inform you with this e-mail what I have just written above, that the buzzer is located on the other side of the house. / By pressing that wondrous button of communications, you can get in touch with me much easier than leaving obscure messages in the puddle of mud in front of our house. / On the other hand, if those 50 meters from the front door to the back door are too long a distance, I can come down and open the front door if you just call me on my cell phone. 2. If this message for some reason doesn’t reach you, I can also print it out and leave it in a puddle of mud next to your Tampere office. / With best regards, looking forward to the arrival of my package, Doctor Strangedisease.

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